New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
where are my eyebrows?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
