I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
