My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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