i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
