i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
