Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
