And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
