someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
