I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
