i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
