There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
When are your genitals available?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
