I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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