My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
birth control should be required to get into college
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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