Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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