Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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