i jhust puked up my retainher.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
