why didn't you poke me back
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
