Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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