And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
