If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
As shirtless as possible
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
