what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
