are you still at the devil's house?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
