And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
