he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
