3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
