I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
