i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
