You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
