no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
