I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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