Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
