I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
