i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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