it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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