This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
