"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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