She said her name was "party"
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
