using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
