just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
