she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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