Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
