This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
