it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
