Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
