Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
FUCK WHALES
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
