I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
