She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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