my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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