We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
