two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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