we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
