you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
