Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
